Ten years ago on the last Thursday in September, my future husband asked me for my phone number. I was out with a girlfriend, Melissa, who knew him from grade school. I spotted that curly hair, big smile and dimples a mile away and we hit it off that night, although he was shy about asking me for my number. Andrew called me a few days later and we spoke on the phone for over an hour about our lives. He wanted to take me out on a date that weekend however I had to pass. I was going in for surgery in a few days and wanted to rest up. I felt compelled to be honest with him rather than make up an excuse not to go on that date. Andrew called me the day after my surgery to see how I was feeling. I felt physically fine when I spoke to him the next day, although I was a bit surprised that he took the time to call me....we had only exchanged numbers less than a week before.
Over the next day, I started to develop a lot of pain, I then had a very high fever of 104, and I was becoming dehydrated. A day later, I found myself in the hospital for a week and a half with a major infection. I don't remember the first two days in the hospital. I remember my parents sleeping in the chair by my bedside. I remember not being able to walk on my own or eat the whole time. That was one of the hardest moments of my life. I was fighting for it. I did not know how sick I was at the time, however there were all sorts of doctors in my room, often. A few days before I left, I was starting to feel like my strength was coming back. I was taking small steps around the oncology floor that they had me on. I had a private room until that day, they placed a woman named Isabelle in with me. She was in her late seventies, married to a man named Jasper. Her son and his wife would visit her often. Isabelle, knew I was very sick. I did not know why she was in the hospital at first. They had moved her to the oncology floor from another one. Her son told us that she had a brain tumor.
As the next couple days went by, and I started to regain my personality, I found myself in conversation with Isabelle. She was such a loving, strong and determined woman. I found my own self feeding off of her ability to be strong in her life, she was amazing. The day before I left the hospital, I knew I was going to leave her, we had become friends. I wanted to give her a piece of my heart, something that she gave to me during those dark days. I wrote a poem entitled "Isabelle the Great". She was so honored and touched when I read the copy of the poem to her and her family on the day I left.
A few years ago, my parents received a letter from Isabelle's husband, Jasper. It was at Christmas time. He wrote a note to me and my parents wishing us happy holidays. He told us of Isabelle's passing the year before to the brain tumor. At the end of his note Jasper wrote, "We had a wake for Isabelle where we read your Poem for all to here "Isabelle the Great." I began to cry, was this possible? How brief my meeting was with Isabelle and her family, I was able to thank her for bringing me back to life when she lost her own. She gave me my heart back, when I felt so weak. I found my ability to love during that time in the hospital, and for that I will forever remember.
And so on the last day of my stay in the hospital, my father came from home. Dad said that this guy Andrew had left a few messages on their answering machine. It was a Friday, so he brought Andrew's number with him...I picked up the phone and dialed it. Andrew answered on the other end, I told him where I had been and that I was coming home. What I did not know is that Andrew thought I had blown him off...he had made plans for that evening to go on a date with a friend. He hung up the phone with me and cancelled that date. That was the beginning of my life with my future husband, my soulmate...and a moment meeting an angel in heaven, Isablle the Great.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
The story of Mia
This weekend marks my dog Mia's seventh birthday. It was November 17th 2003, my Mom's birthday, when we brought her home. I had just gotten engaged three weeks before to Andrew. He was going to propose to me down by the river walking his roomate's dog Yaeger, that we all adored. The night Andrew asked for my hand in marriage to my father, Yaeger was killed in a hit and run accident, it was devastating to all. He was the first dog that we ever had in my parents house. There was one night when Yaeger thought the back screen door at my folks was open, and walked right into it...he was such a goof. He was only a year and a half when he died, it was a difficult loss because he was so loyal to all of us.
Two months before her birthday, my Mom's father was diagnosed with terminally ill lung cancer. My grandmother had gone into a nursing home the year before with a condition called "failure to thrive." And so when we heard that my healthy, active and most of all loving Pop-Pop was sick, it rocked our family to the core. He was our strength, it was not expected. Never once acknowledging that he heard the doctors say he was dying my Mom's dad went to his chemotherapy appointments and made friends with all the nurses. My mom on the other hand was torn. It was her father, the man she adored, she was going to loose him to cancer, soon. She put on a brave face around him, and when the time came a month later when Andrew proposed, she was joyful. Although somewhere in the back of all of our heads we knew Pop would not be around to see that day, on earth at least. So when her birthday arrived, my brother James, asked the question...."What do you think about getting Mom a dog?" I rushed home to pick him up to travel up to the Barn to search high and low for the dog that would take away her sadness....or so we hoped.
As James and I lapped through the barn we came across two puppies. They were labeled "Husky/Lab/Mini-Eskimo". We took them out to play with them, the male dog had patch over his eye and seemed to be much smaller than the other. The sister pup, had wolf like mask around her face...piercing blue and brown eyes....and white gloves on each of her paws, with floppy ears. James and I debated over which one we could choose. We even called my father to get his opinion, he only said the words "Do what you think is best." We pretended not to understand what he really meant. On our way out of the store, the female pup stood up on her hind legs and walked towards both of us. We knew...She would eventually come home with us later that evening. As Andrew, James and I walked in to my parents home, my mother asked repeatedly "Whose dog is that? Whose dog is that? " She was in a bit of denial that night as we all were enamored by the little five pound puppy that looked like a doll. Three days later, my Mom called me at work and told me that she wanted me to return the dog. She said that she was not one of those people who could love an animal. Mia never went back to the barn. I have this imprint of my mother a month later at Christmas laying on the floor as Mia playfully kisses her face... and my Mom's voice saying the words "I love you Mia..."
My Pop-Pop passed away later the next spring, never once asking why. My mother grieved, we all grieved. Two years later my grandmother passed when her body decided to shut down the day after Mother's Day. Through all these moments, our dog has stood by as our loyal family companion. Through it all, Mia, has been a ray of sunshine for all of us. I really truly believe that God only puts dogs her on earth for such a short while because they are so perfect, he needs them back.
WIth life comes love. Even when we loose it, we find it again...in the unexpected places....
Two months before her birthday, my Mom's father was diagnosed with terminally ill lung cancer. My grandmother had gone into a nursing home the year before with a condition called "failure to thrive." And so when we heard that my healthy, active and most of all loving Pop-Pop was sick, it rocked our family to the core. He was our strength, it was not expected. Never once acknowledging that he heard the doctors say he was dying my Mom's dad went to his chemotherapy appointments and made friends with all the nurses. My mom on the other hand was torn. It was her father, the man she adored, she was going to loose him to cancer, soon. She put on a brave face around him, and when the time came a month later when Andrew proposed, she was joyful. Although somewhere in the back of all of our heads we knew Pop would not be around to see that day, on earth at least. So when her birthday arrived, my brother James, asked the question...."What do you think about getting Mom a dog?" I rushed home to pick him up to travel up to the Barn to search high and low for the dog that would take away her sadness....or so we hoped.
As James and I lapped through the barn we came across two puppies. They were labeled "Husky/Lab/Mini-Eskimo". We took them out to play with them, the male dog had patch over his eye and seemed to be much smaller than the other. The sister pup, had wolf like mask around her face...piercing blue and brown eyes....and white gloves on each of her paws, with floppy ears. James and I debated over which one we could choose. We even called my father to get his opinion, he only said the words "Do what you think is best." We pretended not to understand what he really meant. On our way out of the store, the female pup stood up on her hind legs and walked towards both of us. We knew...She would eventually come home with us later that evening. As Andrew, James and I walked in to my parents home, my mother asked repeatedly "Whose dog is that? Whose dog is that? " She was in a bit of denial that night as we all were enamored by the little five pound puppy that looked like a doll. Three days later, my Mom called me at work and told me that she wanted me to return the dog. She said that she was not one of those people who could love an animal. Mia never went back to the barn. I have this imprint of my mother a month later at Christmas laying on the floor as Mia playfully kisses her face... and my Mom's voice saying the words "I love you Mia..."
My Pop-Pop passed away later the next spring, never once asking why. My mother grieved, we all grieved. Two years later my grandmother passed when her body decided to shut down the day after Mother's Day. Through all these moments, our dog has stood by as our loyal family companion. Through it all, Mia, has been a ray of sunshine for all of us. I really truly believe that God only puts dogs her on earth for such a short while because they are so perfect, he needs them back.
WIth life comes love. Even when we loose it, we find it again...in the unexpected places....
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
You....yourself
I attended a talk last night. The speaker said something that resonated deep within....."Everything begins with love." If you can love, it can reach into every pore of your body and spill over to result in a bigger better version of the person inside. It sometimes seems as though the world shows every other emotion so easily except for love. We keep it tightly wrapped in a box waiting to be used when we deem fitting. What I have begun to realize by choosing adoption, I have released this love I kept in that box. Embracing this life and seeing its beauty, gave me the strength to begin to love. Where did I begin? By accepting to love the most crucial piece of this equation. ME
For loving myself became my way of life. What comes as a result of this love is gravy. This trickle down effect has had momentum. Love is the beginning...Love is what life is about....Love is what gives us meaning....Love is how beauty exists....Love is what gives us Hope....Love is what brings Empowerment. Love is sharing with others the beauty of adoption. For me...adoption is LOVE...it is ME.
So my hope for those reading..... Begin with LOVE. Begin with yourself....that love in the box is waiting to be used....
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."
For loving myself became my way of life. What comes as a result of this love is gravy. This trickle down effect has had momentum. Love is the beginning...Love is what life is about....Love is what gives us meaning....Love is how beauty exists....Love is what gives us Hope....Love is what brings Empowerment. Love is sharing with others the beauty of adoption. For me...adoption is LOVE...it is ME.
So my hope for those reading..... Begin with LOVE. Begin with yourself....that love in the box is waiting to be used....
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."
Saturday, September 18, 2010
There Goes The Fear....
After reading your comment Heather, from the last post....I began to consider that word "scared". Where does real fear originate? I feel that fear is the unknown, fear for me is indecision, and fear is not letting go of life. When I took an acting class last summer one thing that came to mind was what my instructor Robyn said...."We are not are emotions, we choose which emotions to have in any given situation." Fear is an emotion that encompasses many stressful physical responses. Choosing to let go of fear is a choice.....We cannot choose many things in life beyond living in the moment and finding beauty.
I think for me fear brings the inability to DO. It's thinking about something and not acting on it.
For me last summer that is literally where it began, acting. For many years I had always wanted to take acting classes. Last summer, in the midst of our infertility stalling, I decided to DO. I took a class in New York, "In the Moment, The Art of Being". This was a workshop referred to me by a family friend who had been acting for years in the Big Apple. At first this decision seemed a bit daunting...How would I travel to New York during the week at night? How experienced would the other actors be in the class? Would I be able to stand up and perform for the first time in fifteen years....And then one day, I leaped.
I leaped into the class, letting go of my fears, letting go of my expectations, letting go of my life outside this class. It was for me, and only me. This was a decision to DO something that I had wanted to for a decade, instead of finding a million and one reasons why not to DO it. One night in the middle of our three hour class, I went up in front of the other fourteen actors and did a prepared monologue. I had been in front of the class ALONE several times, this night was different. I stopped thinking and just gave in to the words, the meaning behind my monologue. I chose to feel the emotions I believed the character was feeling. It was in that moment, that I felt a myofascial release. A purging of my fears run out of my body. I let go. In the moment, I realized that this night was a new start. I became the woman who was overcoming fear, I stopped thinking and I started to act. At the end of my monologue the class stood in silence looking at me...I began to realize that this out of body experience was real, and I saw their faces. My amazing instructor quietly said, "whatever you have been through in your life is the reason you are here...you have a gift to tell a story in your eyes". What I felt she meant, is that my eyes are the gateway to my heart. By letting go of fear, I began to follow my heart. I have a vivid memory of this night of class, this new way of life that began months before we decided to adopt. Acting became my strength....however it was not just the acting....it was the ability to DO and not just think. The ability to LET GO....and not hold everything inside....and the ability to CHOOSE my emotions, which is the only control that I ever needed all along....This experience was the first chapter to my discovery of hope...and what hope has given me is empowerment....
Thank you Heather for recognizing that Andrew and I are united as a family and a marriage in this hope to become parents. There were times when fear was the emotion I chose during this process, and in other aspects of my life, when I felt paralyzed to move forward... to enjoy the moment. This leap of faith became our Acting Class in our world as a couple. Which is how we came to let go of fear....
The Doves "There Goes The Fear".....great song
"You turn around and life's passed you by
You look to those you love to ask them why
There goes the fear, Let it Go."
I think for me fear brings the inability to DO. It's thinking about something and not acting on it.
For me last summer that is literally where it began, acting. For many years I had always wanted to take acting classes. Last summer, in the midst of our infertility stalling, I decided to DO. I took a class in New York, "In the Moment, The Art of Being". This was a workshop referred to me by a family friend who had been acting for years in the Big Apple. At first this decision seemed a bit daunting...How would I travel to New York during the week at night? How experienced would the other actors be in the class? Would I be able to stand up and perform for the first time in fifteen years....And then one day, I leaped.
I leaped into the class, letting go of my fears, letting go of my expectations, letting go of my life outside this class. It was for me, and only me. This was a decision to DO something that I had wanted to for a decade, instead of finding a million and one reasons why not to DO it. One night in the middle of our three hour class, I went up in front of the other fourteen actors and did a prepared monologue. I had been in front of the class ALONE several times, this night was different. I stopped thinking and just gave in to the words, the meaning behind my monologue. I chose to feel the emotions I believed the character was feeling. It was in that moment, that I felt a myofascial release. A purging of my fears run out of my body. I let go. In the moment, I realized that this night was a new start. I became the woman who was overcoming fear, I stopped thinking and I started to act. At the end of my monologue the class stood in silence looking at me...I began to realize that this out of body experience was real, and I saw their faces. My amazing instructor quietly said, "whatever you have been through in your life is the reason you are here...you have a gift to tell a story in your eyes". What I felt she meant, is that my eyes are the gateway to my heart. By letting go of fear, I began to follow my heart. I have a vivid memory of this night of class, this new way of life that began months before we decided to adopt. Acting became my strength....however it was not just the acting....it was the ability to DO and not just think. The ability to LET GO....and not hold everything inside....and the ability to CHOOSE my emotions, which is the only control that I ever needed all along....This experience was the first chapter to my discovery of hope...and what hope has given me is empowerment....
Thank you Heather for recognizing that Andrew and I are united as a family and a marriage in this hope to become parents. There were times when fear was the emotion I chose during this process, and in other aspects of my life, when I felt paralyzed to move forward... to enjoy the moment. This leap of faith became our Acting Class in our world as a couple. Which is how we came to let go of fear....
The Doves "There Goes The Fear".....great song
"You turn around and life's passed you by
You look to those you love to ask them why
There goes the fear, Let it Go."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Crossing Paths.....
A deer ran out in front of my car today. It was a doe, she was as tall as my car. I came around a turn at a street light and started to speed up to 35mph. Out of the corner of my right eye I saw this very tall brown thing move past the tree line and then into my path on the road. When I tell you seconds, I mean maybe one second difference that I missed clipping her back leg. As she gracefully galloped across this two lane country road, I had no time to even touch the break. My adrenaline kicked in and before I knew it she was gone. I won't forget what she looked like, and that the entire moment she passed my car...her eye was on me.
Not too long before my intersection with the majestic doe, I stopped at a local convenient store to get a snack and a cherry diet coke for my afternoon drive. Walking towards the double doors of the bustling place, I noticed an older man leaning against the concrete wall with a cane in his one hand and a glazed donut in the other. He was putting most of his weight on his cane as he shoved half the donut in his mouth. He wore a bright orange hat that read the words "Semper Fi Marine" on it. As I approached the area where he stood, he looked up and me and said "Hi, how ya doing?". I smiled, said hello and walked inside. This man reminded me of my Mom's father...Pop-Pop, he looked around the same age. I knew that when I came out of the store that I would say hello again, with a purpose.
As I roamed the convenient store hunting for a snack, I began to think about my grandfather who had passed several years ago. Pop used to walk every day to Greeman's, a local market, around a half a mile from their home. My earliest memories as a small child were of him taking me there for trips during the day, he would always buy me a scratch off lottery ticket...while he tried to win big at the Pick Six. Everyone in Greeman's new him by Harry. As I grew older we still walked to that same store to get those lotto tickets... even the coming weeks before he died. When my grandfather passed there was a line out the door of the funeral pallor. The young girls who worked at Greeman's came to say goodbye, as they crying they placed some lottery tickets by his side. It was a beautiful moment for my entire family. Harry may not have ever struck it rich in the lottery, however end the end...he won. Harry meant so much to everyone he met because he cared. He cared about his neighbors, he cared about a stranger on the street, and most of all his family. I remember how important it was for Pop to speak to everyone he crossed paths with each day.
Upon exiting the convenient store today, the man in the "Semper Fi" orange hat stood staring out to the road. I asked him if he was a Marine. He said yes, looking at me bewildered....I asked when he served....."1942 to 46", he said with hesitation....I smiled....so did my grandfather I spoke. He told me about being stationed over in the South Pacific. Afterwards, he said something that struck me..."I almost forgot that I served over there, it was so long ago I can't remember that well." And yet he was wearing that orange hat. As we spoke I told him about both my grandfathers both serving in the military and when I brought home sand from the beaches of Normandy, France for them. He smiled. I listened as he spoke about his experience as a marine. At the end of our conversation, we say goodbye....I thanked him for serving and he looked at me with a crooked smiled...and said "you have a nice day miss".
Its so easy to cross paths with hundreds of people in a day. Today I stopped to say hello to a man that gave me back a piece of my grandfather whom I loved very dearly. This man will hopefully go home with a new recollection today of talking about his days serving our country, and a stranger who thanked him for it.
Crossing paths with a stranger....with a doe....and finding meaning in it....gives me the strength to allow me to hope for anything....And It is with this hope that someday soon, Andrew and I will cross paths with the life of one child.
Not too long before my intersection with the majestic doe, I stopped at a local convenient store to get a snack and a cherry diet coke for my afternoon drive. Walking towards the double doors of the bustling place, I noticed an older man leaning against the concrete wall with a cane in his one hand and a glazed donut in the other. He was putting most of his weight on his cane as he shoved half the donut in his mouth. He wore a bright orange hat that read the words "Semper Fi Marine" on it. As I approached the area where he stood, he looked up and me and said "Hi, how ya doing?". I smiled, said hello and walked inside. This man reminded me of my Mom's father...Pop-Pop, he looked around the same age. I knew that when I came out of the store that I would say hello again, with a purpose.
As I roamed the convenient store hunting for a snack, I began to think about my grandfather who had passed several years ago. Pop used to walk every day to Greeman's, a local market, around a half a mile from their home. My earliest memories as a small child were of him taking me there for trips during the day, he would always buy me a scratch off lottery ticket...while he tried to win big at the Pick Six. Everyone in Greeman's new him by Harry. As I grew older we still walked to that same store to get those lotto tickets... even the coming weeks before he died. When my grandfather passed there was a line out the door of the funeral pallor. The young girls who worked at Greeman's came to say goodbye, as they crying they placed some lottery tickets by his side. It was a beautiful moment for my entire family. Harry may not have ever struck it rich in the lottery, however end the end...he won. Harry meant so much to everyone he met because he cared. He cared about his neighbors, he cared about a stranger on the street, and most of all his family. I remember how important it was for Pop to speak to everyone he crossed paths with each day.
Upon exiting the convenient store today, the man in the "Semper Fi" orange hat stood staring out to the road. I asked him if he was a Marine. He said yes, looking at me bewildered....I asked when he served....."1942 to 46", he said with hesitation....I smiled....so did my grandfather I spoke. He told me about being stationed over in the South Pacific. Afterwards, he said something that struck me..."I almost forgot that I served over there, it was so long ago I can't remember that well." And yet he was wearing that orange hat. As we spoke I told him about both my grandfathers both serving in the military and when I brought home sand from the beaches of Normandy, France for them. He smiled. I listened as he spoke about his experience as a marine. At the end of our conversation, we say goodbye....I thanked him for serving and he looked at me with a crooked smiled...and said "you have a nice day miss".
Its so easy to cross paths with hundreds of people in a day. Today I stopped to say hello to a man that gave me back a piece of my grandfather whom I loved very dearly. This man will hopefully go home with a new recollection today of talking about his days serving our country, and a stranger who thanked him for it.
Crossing paths with a stranger....with a doe....and finding meaning in it....gives me the strength to allow me to hope for anything....And It is with this hope that someday soon, Andrew and I will cross paths with the life of one child.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
However....
It was noon today, I had just scarfed down a Special K bar in the car to try to catch a customer in an office. It was my second time returning, the secretary Elle told me to come back in an hour. When I returned, Elle, was sitting behind the office eagerly waiting to ask me a question. A few weeks ago, I had mentioned to her that I was adopting a child and in waiting.
Today she asked me if I heard any news....No news....No phone call.
The green leaves on the trees are transforming to bright shades of orange and red...It's pretty obvious in the fall that our lives are transitioning. The fragility of how life can be altered in landscape is apparent...although we may not always recognize this feeling in our daily lives. I love this time of year, it pushes me to believe in that transformation in my life, to strive for it. I would sometimes reach for changing things in my life that I could not control.
This year I began to hold onto that which has given me strength, adoption. I began to talk about it to others, because I am so passionate about this process on so many levels. Adoption was the transformation that I needed to feel EMPOWERED in my life.
I had a discussion with this secretary a few weeks ago, she had given me some blankets for the animal shelter that I visit. I began to tell Elle about our experience with adoption and how it has changed my perspective.
Elle is a fifty year old, married mother of two. Her two children are in college now. She loved raising her kids and feels a longing to nurture. A month ago she was discussing her consideration of adopting a dog. Elle also used to run a daycare for years before she became a secretary at this office. Today, she began a new consideration....she informed me that she was thinking about becoming a Foster Mom. She was unsure if her husband would be interested in the notion. She said that Jim loves children, and he would be great at helping her Foster. While I was in the office with her we took the time to research online what it takes to foster a child and the benefits of the program. One needs to be married, with a stable income, and would consider fostering to adopt someday. Elle described to me the joy that she would get from helping a child in need before they find a permanent home. She mentioned that she did not want to adopt permanently she would only consider fostering at her age. We talked about the possibility of someone in her life who would consider to adopt a child that she fosters....that she could be the gateway to a child's new beginning. As I left the office today, Elle was going to sit down with her husband to discuss the possibility of the foster program.
Today, no phone...no word on when....HOWEVER....change is happening.
Today she asked me if I heard any news....No news....No phone call.
The green leaves on the trees are transforming to bright shades of orange and red...It's pretty obvious in the fall that our lives are transitioning. The fragility of how life can be altered in landscape is apparent...although we may not always recognize this feeling in our daily lives. I love this time of year, it pushes me to believe in that transformation in my life, to strive for it. I would sometimes reach for changing things in my life that I could not control.
This year I began to hold onto that which has given me strength, adoption. I began to talk about it to others, because I am so passionate about this process on so many levels. Adoption was the transformation that I needed to feel EMPOWERED in my life.
I had a discussion with this secretary a few weeks ago, she had given me some blankets for the animal shelter that I visit. I began to tell Elle about our experience with adoption and how it has changed my perspective.
Elle is a fifty year old, married mother of two. Her two children are in college now. She loved raising her kids and feels a longing to nurture. A month ago she was discussing her consideration of adopting a dog. Elle also used to run a daycare for years before she became a secretary at this office. Today, she began a new consideration....she informed me that she was thinking about becoming a Foster Mom. She was unsure if her husband would be interested in the notion. She said that Jim loves children, and he would be great at helping her Foster. While I was in the office with her we took the time to research online what it takes to foster a child and the benefits of the program. One needs to be married, with a stable income, and would consider fostering to adopt someday. Elle described to me the joy that she would get from helping a child in need before they find a permanent home. She mentioned that she did not want to adopt permanently she would only consider fostering at her age. We talked about the possibility of someone in her life who would consider to adopt a child that she fosters....that she could be the gateway to a child's new beginning. As I left the office today, Elle was going to sit down with her husband to discuss the possibility of the foster program.
Today, no phone...no word on when....HOWEVER....change is happening.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Endless....
Did you see the clouds today? I did. They were endless...white tones, with splashes of gray and layers of blue throughout them. Out on the open road I saw changing shapes and flowing patterns of anything and everything imaginable. There was a turtle, a whale, a submarine, ducks, a pirate ship, even one of a puppy...there was also a cloud shaped like a baby. Whatever you could imagine you could capture it in the clouds today.....
I also saw a man in a waiting room today. He was in a wheelchair. The nursing home facility had a driver drop him off an hour before his scheduled appointment. He had been waiting for an hour and a half, alone. The home sent no aid, yet he could barely speak, a stroke or parkinson patient I assumed. It seems as if he did not have much of his mental capacity left. His ability to think and speak was barely there, and yet no aid. This was not his CHOICE...like so many things in life.
I wrote a quote down the other day about hopes and dreams. To dream is to imagine....and even the slightest bit of that can carry hope. Every child has this gift at a young age...they imagine, which gives them the ability to dream of the hopes and possibilities. Somewhere along the way as I grew older in life I felt like someone stole my ability to dream, to hope. It was my trust that was stolen...I looked everywhere. Searching high and low for that trust...I sought doctors advice, the wisdom from family and friends, and from the world around. It wasn't until I stopped searching that I found it...trust was always within. The choice to dream about the shapes in the clouds was always there inside. Once I began to trust, I began to hope. A child can teach us so much...how to dream, how to live in the moment, and to hope for anything in life. It's that hope that resides within us all..it's choosing to trust in that hope, which only comes from within. The choice to hope...the choice to trust...and the choice to dream.
"The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams."
I also saw a man in a waiting room today. He was in a wheelchair. The nursing home facility had a driver drop him off an hour before his scheduled appointment. He had been waiting for an hour and a half, alone. The home sent no aid, yet he could barely speak, a stroke or parkinson patient I assumed. It seems as if he did not have much of his mental capacity left. His ability to think and speak was barely there, and yet no aid. This was not his CHOICE...like so many things in life.
I wrote a quote down the other day about hopes and dreams. To dream is to imagine....and even the slightest bit of that can carry hope. Every child has this gift at a young age...they imagine, which gives them the ability to dream of the hopes and possibilities. Somewhere along the way as I grew older in life I felt like someone stole my ability to dream, to hope. It was my trust that was stolen...I looked everywhere. Searching high and low for that trust...I sought doctors advice, the wisdom from family and friends, and from the world around. It wasn't until I stopped searching that I found it...trust was always within. The choice to dream about the shapes in the clouds was always there inside. Once I began to trust, I began to hope. A child can teach us so much...how to dream, how to live in the moment, and to hope for anything in life. It's that hope that resides within us all..it's choosing to trust in that hope, which only comes from within. The choice to hope...the choice to trust...and the choice to dream.
"The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams."
Monday, September 6, 2010
Away We Go....
So, it has been almost a week since I last posted. We have been on the road up and down the east coast visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Rhode Island. This was our second trip up to visit them both and so my brother James and his wife Em, asked us if we would like to head to Newport for the day....a cliff walk was suggested. Cliff walk?? I mean, its Rhode Island...really cliffs, I wondered. So we ventured out to Newport on Saturday, the day after Hurricane Earl slightly grazed the east coast. We took the short drive to the beach and parked our car near the walk...we began what was a three mile tour. I had no idea what I would encounter along this walk, it was the unknown.
The walk begin with high cement walls on the side of the bay, followed by beautifully designed historic mansions on the other. As we continued to the unknown we came around the corner to the ocean, there were rocks leading out to the ocean, looking down we came across surfers walking out on these giants rocks to go catch some really big waves, stirred by the path of the hurricane. Andrew was inspired by their point of entry to swim out to waves, he photographed dozens of pictures. The wind was turbulent at times almost blowing us off our footing....the glory of mother nature with the waves crashing along the rocks was directly in front of us. We pressed on to find a Asian Inspired Pagoda House along the cliff, not expecting to come across such a beautiful building in Newport. The four of us were challenged along the walk to climb rocks and find the best path for our grip as we climbed up and around a much larger cliff than I ever imagined I would find in this town. The flowers and tall grass at times along our path were so beautiful. It was amazing that this three mile journey was created by mother nature.
We finished our walk, feeling as though we accomplished a great feet...and we did. As we walked into town to catch a trolley back to our cars, Andrew turned to me and said "My love for you is stronger now." I asked him what made him feel that way. It was mother nature, staring at us right in the face that windy day in Newport. The giant rocks, the beautiful trail of flowers, the amazing force of the wind, the fantastic waves caused by the remnants of Earl. Nature was staring at us in the face, and Andrew and I both realized we had each other. In this turbulent world of change that is beyond our control, we have us...we have our love...and that is just as powerful when we let it be.
The walk begin with high cement walls on the side of the bay, followed by beautifully designed historic mansions on the other. As we continued to the unknown we came around the corner to the ocean, there were rocks leading out to the ocean, looking down we came across surfers walking out on these giants rocks to go catch some really big waves, stirred by the path of the hurricane. Andrew was inspired by their point of entry to swim out to waves, he photographed dozens of pictures. The wind was turbulent at times almost blowing us off our footing....the glory of mother nature with the waves crashing along the rocks was directly in front of us. We pressed on to find a Asian Inspired Pagoda House along the cliff, not expecting to come across such a beautiful building in Newport. The four of us were challenged along the walk to climb rocks and find the best path for our grip as we climbed up and around a much larger cliff than I ever imagined I would find in this town. The flowers and tall grass at times along our path were so beautiful. It was amazing that this three mile journey was created by mother nature.
We finished our walk, feeling as though we accomplished a great feet...and we did. As we walked into town to catch a trolley back to our cars, Andrew turned to me and said "My love for you is stronger now." I asked him what made him feel that way. It was mother nature, staring at us right in the face that windy day in Newport. The giant rocks, the beautiful trail of flowers, the amazing force of the wind, the fantastic waves caused by the remnants of Earl. Nature was staring at us in the face, and Andrew and I both realized we had each other. In this turbulent world of change that is beyond our control, we have us...we have our love...and that is just as powerful when we let it be.
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