"Imagine"

Andrew and I sat on the couch tonight and listen to Jack Johnson's The Mango Tree album. It's got a couple cover songs and for the most part the rest is Jack's original music. When I first met Andrew ten years ago, I remember the first time he played Jack's CD in his beat up old Honda Civic, I fell in love with the calming effect the music had on me. This album has some really cool songs that remind me of my brother's music. My brother is a very creative musician, besides being the best brother a sister can ask for. He can play so many different instruments and has done everything from a rock band to singer/songwriter stuff. He's got this gift to play and ability to write....Did I mention he's getting his Phd in English?

I had a great conversation with my brother James today, he lives a couple states away from us and it's so cool that we are close. He is three years younger than me, and we have always been thick as thieves. Well, maybe almost, he used to know just the "right words" to say to get under my skin as a teen especially on long car trips, hence the degree in English I guess. I am pretty sure I gave it right back then too, probably not as skillfully. As little kids we were inseparable, my father referred to him as my pull toy on the night of his rehearsal dinner for his wedding. OK, so maybe there was some truth to that, I mean he was my "baby brother".

When Jim and I were young I remember many trips to the pediatricians office. I had scarlet fever twice, he had strep throat constantly and had tubes in his ears. I was just discussing our old doctors office with him today. Andrew and I met with that same group that used to treat James and I years ago. We had many questions for the doctor, regarding the health of the birth-parents and its affects on the child. I told my brother that our old practice had been purchased by the Children's Hospital several years ago, and some of the doctors we knew stayed, while others retired. I vividly remember most of my visits as a child were to see Dr. K. He started the practice before I was born and now is in his mid seventies now, I discovered he retired two years ago. Dr. K was a wonderful doctor not just to us but many families. It just so happen that while Andrew and I were there for our appointment, Dr. K came to visit his old office. The older nurses who knew my family, told Dr. K that I was in the back with my husband, and he strolled down to say hello. It brought back many old memories as a child and I almost forgot I wasn't the patient when I saw him! Andrew and I began to discuss our future as parents and Dr. K then began to tell us that his oldest son adopted four children. So, we listened. Life is speaking to us and we are listening. Today it was loud and clear.

On Jack's Mango Tree album he does a cover of John Lennon's song, "Imagine". Andrew and I played it back four times tonight. Something about how pure his voice sounds and how much the words meant kept drawing us back. I wonder if John Lennon knew what he really meant with the words to that song. "Imagine all the people living for today..." So, as I continue to see each day with a new set of lenses, I will continue to imagine. I listen to my life, and sometimes it seems more clear than others. Today was one of them. Are we going to be parents through adoption someday...sure hope so...today was enough to imagine. Sitting in that office looking at the little tiny scale and imagining our child laying in it someday, that was fun. So if we "Imagine" then we are living. And if we live than it does not matter if what we "Imagine" occurs or not. Cause "You may say that I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one....I hope someday you can join us.....And the world can live as one."

Today we imagined and we shared our story with others, who had a story, and we enjoyed the moments. I also enjoyed dropping off the puzzles and crazy color nail polish, along with my physical for the nursing home. Looking forward to more moments at that place.

Lastly, and with so much love in this moment. Today is my parents 36 year anniversary. They have set the bar high for us, and I am so proud of them and what their marriage represents. They're good people who have gone to extraordinary measures for their children, family and each other. Love them both beyond words.

Today we Imagined and that's enough to keep on keeping on.....